On a beautiful fall day, my joy of living seemed to have dissolved. Dissatisfaction and despair seemed to surround the day. No seeming reason for those doldrums to have set in. My husband takes the kids and leaves for a short excursion together. The house is left quiet. My thoughts jumbled, desperately trying to find my way out and above the feelings of dissatisfaction that had colored my day. Finally, leaving the housework behind I hurried into the woods. My heart was crying out to God to speak and show me the way. Slowly, the stillness began to sink in, and as I sat looking into the leaves drifting down from the trees above, I became aware of the problem I had. A problem that is a worldwide struggle. Fear of the future. Fear of what is to come. I needed to give the future and the present back to God.
I heard the wind as it moved through the trees, saw the leaves as they danced in the breeze, and realized the beauty of God's creation in the blue sky above. I longed for my heart to dance as those leaves high in the trees and wondered why it wasn't. God seemed to speak, "You're afraid of what is to come." You're not accepting of the gift you have now." As I thought on that, I realized how true it was. My heart had fled onward, past the glory days of autumn to the stark, bare days of winter. I didn't want my leaves to fall. I didn't want those good days to end. I wanted to cling to them. I didn't want my heart to be once again bereft of leaves, lifeless against a cold, winter sky.
The joy had fled, the heart's golden days of autumn were gone because I was clasping them to myself, not wanting to move on, scared of the possible barren winter days ahead. I lifted my eyes once again to the trees, where the leaves were dancing with beauty and abandon. When their time came to gracefully fall to the ground, I didn't see the leaves reaching back out to hold once again to tree that had nourished them these past months. No, the leaves tumbled down preparing to provide joy to those leaf gatherers. Those children that rake and gather together leaves. They then jump with abandon into those gaily colored piles. What joy! NO fear of the future. Enjoying the gift of today. Taking the moment with gratitude and enjoying it to the fullest.
As I headed back home, I determined to savor the moment. Trust the Father for the day, as well as the future. I wanted my heart to dance as those leaves, with beauty and abandon until their turn to let loose and fall to the ground below. If winter bares her teeth, once again in life, I must keep looking to the Father to find the beauty He has given for that moment in time. When we can trust our future to God, the joy comes. We can then bring joy to others through our trusting heart.
"FOR OUR HEART SHALL REJOICE IN HIM, BECAUSE WE HAVE TRUSTED IN HIS HOLY NAME." PSALM 33:21
(pictures were taken in Colorado-October 2008)
1 comment:
Holly...this that you wrote is truly beautiful. I have been feeling much the same way. I appreciate the many truths that spoke to my heart. Thank you.
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